The Undesirables: Jewel of the Pacific

By John Cosper

Wealthy industrialist Andrew Petard looked out on the lush, landscaped property from his stone balcony. He took another anti-bacterial wet nap from his pocket, cleansing his hands one more time, then turned to his visitor.

"You see why I called you," he said.

Sara looked up from the letter, removing her glasses thoughtfully. "You have reason to worry. These people are serious."

"My newest reactor goes on line in two days," he said. "Totally green, environmentally friendly. Won't pollute even a molecule of toxins."

"A lot of people will be very unhappy with you," she replied.

"A lot of people already are," he said. "That is why I cannot allow them to intercept the jewel."

Sara nodded. "We can protect the jewel, no problem."

"It must arrive safely," he said. "My daughter leaves school in the morning by rail."

"My team will be there," Sara assured him. "All the way from Southern Cal. They won't let her out of their sight."

"She may not welcome the help," Andrew went on. "Especially if she knows I asked you."

"We're used to that." Sara pulled the contracts from her briefcase. "This is the standard waiver, granting us your permission to assist in transporting the jewel here safely. I'll also need your signature here."

"What's this?" said Andrew.

"You accept all liability for damages caused to Amtrak. They don't really like us, and they'll want someone to pay."

"Is damage likely?"

"My team's not the neatest in the world," said Sara. "Sometimes, things get broken."

Andrew sighed. "The jewel is priceless. And without it, I cannot start the reactor. I will pay whatever is necessary." He signed the papers. The deal was done.

* * * * *

Sidney Petard paid no notice to the young couple seated near her on the train, even though the car was more or less empty. They seemed to be on some sort of vacation, although the woman was much more interested in being there than the man. Matter of fact he looked like he'd rather be any place but here.

Sidney hopped down in her seat, looking down at the package her father's assistant had so desperately begged her to pick up. What's the big deal? she wondered. If this is so important, why didn't her father hire someone to transport it for him? Doesn't he have people for this?

She only hoped she could skip out before she had to face him. Ever since Mom died, they hadn't been on the best terms. He tried to keep her in Pennsylvania, make her go to State. She wanted to get as far away from him as she could. And she did, landing at Southern Cal.

Just as the train started to warm up, a round-faced man bounded onto the train, taking the seat across the aisle from her. "Whew, thought I was gonna miss it!" he said.

Sidney offered a polite smile, then reclined her seat and shut her eyes, hoping he would get the hint.

"Name's Brian. And you are?"

Sidney looked up. She could tell the other couple in the car were as irritated as she was. "Sidney."

"Good. I mean, glad to meet you, Sid." Brian hopped into his seat, pulling out a bag of Twizzlers and a book of puzzles. "Long trip, huh? I just bought this so I'd have something to do. Keep me from disturbing everyone."

"Nice," said Sidney, already disturbed.

"I've been told I talk too much on planes. So I figure I need to change habits. That's why I'm on a train. Haha!"

Sidney already regretted not flying herself. Rather than continue to be polite, she pulled out her iPod headphones and went to sleep.

The train moved East at a steady pace, reaching the Rockies by nightfall. Sidney had a few snacks during the day, but that evening, hunger led her to the dining car. Her talkative pal was no where to be seen, but the young couple sat together, side by side, at one of the small tables.

A willowy waiter greeted her. "Just one this evening?"

"Yes," she said.

"Do you mind company?" The waiter gestured to the two empty seats opposite the couple.

"No, that will be fine." Sidney took a seat opposite the man, who introduced himself as George and the woman as Sharon.

"Nice to meet you," she said. "You two on a honeymoon?"

"No, just taking a fun trip," said Sharon. "We've never gone by rail, and there's so much of the country you can see that you miss in a plane."

"Yeah," said Sidney. "I've always liked it, since I was a girl."

"Do you travel often?" George asked.

"Just to and from school these days," she said. "I live in P-A, but I go to school at USC."

"Long trip," said Sharon.

"Keeps the nosy parent away," Sidney said with a smile.

"One more for dinner," the waiter announced. Brian beamed at the three dinner guests. "Hey, folks. Hope ya don't mind."

"Not at all," said George, seeming to mind at least a bit. "Brian, right?"

"Are we still playing that game?" said Brian. "Yes, I am Brian. And you are?"

"George and Sharon," said Sharon with gritted teeth.

"Outstanding," said Brian. "And you're Sidney. I remember from before."

"That's right," said Sidney, scooting as close to the window as possible.

"Does anyone require time to browse the menu?" the waiter asked.

Everyone placed their orders, then the waiter scurried off to the kitchen.

"So, Sid, what do you do?" said Brian.

"I'm a college student, and it's Sidney," she answered.

"How interesting. And you two? What sort of work are you in?"

George smiled. "I'm in real estate, and so is she."

"How fascinating!" said Brian. "I guess you guys are having a rough time, huh? What with the housing crunch and all?"

"It comes and goes," said Sharon.

"Boy, but I bet you have fun. Going through all those houses, helping people find their dream homes. You know, George, that might make a cool video game for you."

George's face got stone-serious. "What are you talking about?"

"I mean when you're pro--" Brian stopped himself. He looked at Sidney. "Oh."

Sidney was worried. "Do you all know each other?"

"It's not what you think!" Brian blurted out.

"What's going on here?" Sidney demanded.

"Sidney, please, calm down," said Sharon.

"I will when you explain to me who you are and why you're pretending to be total strangers."

"We thought it best," said Sharon. "To put you at ease."

"At ease with what?" Sidney was far from calming down.

"We were hired to escort you across country," said Sharon. "You're carrying a very valuable package, and we have good reason to believe it might be in jeopardy."

"You were hired??" Sidney began to scowl. "My father?"

"See? I told you we shouldn't have bothered," said George.

"Oh my gosh," Sidney stood up from the table. "I should have known. I should have seen this one coming. He doesn't trust me to do anything!"

"Listen, we didn't want to disturb you," said Sharon, standing up. "We'll be in the background. Unless we're needed, you won't notice us."

"Needed for what?" said Sidney. "Who are you?"

"We're the Undesirables!" said Brian. "I'm ADHD Man, she's the Pink Nightmare, and he's Major Apathy."

"The losers who tore up Pacific City," said Sidney.

"We were acquitted," said Sharon. "Don't forget."

"Oh I won't. And I won't forgive either. I can't believe my Dad hired you to follow me!"

Sidney started to storm out of the dining car. She turned as she reached the door. "Tell you what, that precious package is underneath my seat. You take it to Dad for me, and tell him I said goodbye!"

"Egads!" Brian shouted. "She left it under her seat?" Brian downed a sugar packet and took off for the passenger car. George and Sharon were right behind, but they were all too late. The package was open - and empty. What's more, Sidney's luggage had also been opened and tossed about."

"The got it," said Brian.

"Oh well, mission's over. Can we go home?" said George.

Sharon Ignored him. "Where's Sidney?"

Sidney was in the kitchen pantry, a knife to her throat, the handle in the sweaty palm of the waiter.

"My name is Pierre Jackal," he said. "And if you want to live, you will stay absolutely silent."

"What do you want?" Sidney whispered.

"To stop your father," he said. "My employers do not want him to put his reactor into service. It will mean the death of too many companies."

Sidney wanted to argue the politics of environmental protection, but the knife at her neck made her think this wasn't the best time.

"You will do as I say," he said. "And if your father does as we tell him, you will live."

"Uh, excuse me?"

It was Brian's voice, in the kitchen proper. Pierre pointed the knife at Sidney, pushing her back in the pantry, as he stuck his head out.

"Yes?" said Pierre. "Your burger and fries will be up in a moment."

"Thank you," said Brian. And he went away. Pierre breathed a sigh of relief, but then Brian returned. "I forgot, you haven't seen that girl I was sitting by, have you?"

"The young lady?" said Pierre.

Seeing Pierre was distracted, Sidney grabbed his knife hand and slammed it into the door, screaming her lungs out: "Save me!!"

Brian smiled. "I think that's her." Then it hit him. "It's HER!"

George and Sharon burst in the room. Sharon ripped her outer garments off, revealing her pink power sweatpants. George and Brian likewise stripped down to their super suits.

"Let her go!" Sharon demanded.

Pierre let out a high pitched, super powered screech, shattering the windows in the train car. He pulled Sidney out of the closet.

"Come get her!"

Pierre jumped out the window with Sidney.

"Wow," said George. "What a daring escape. Oh well. Let's go home."

"Wrong! Let's get after him!" Sharon leaped out the window, flying back down the tracks toward the fleeing Pierre Jackal, who ran with the speed of a jackal, while George and Brian carefully climbed out and jumped off the train into the rough.

"They must be a mile back," said George. "Why don't we just head to the next stop and wait for Sharon to catch up?"

Brian popped a can of Mountain Dew. He chugged it, and instantly was filled with the power of ADHD. "Woooooo!!!" he shouted, hoisting George on his shoulders and running toward Pierre. George held on for dear life as they neared the wily bandit.

"We're almost there!" said Brian. "Just a few more - ooh, shiny!"

Brian peeled off the chase, his wandering mind distracted by a large, shiny windmill a short jog away. George screamed, "Brian, you idiot!"

Just ahead, Sharon managed to out fly the bandit, landing in his tracks. "There's no escape," she said, eyes glowing pink. "Surrender the girl now."

Pierre howled. Shoving Sidney aside, he morphed into a vicious, super-size jackal and charged Sharon. Sharon used her flying legs to leap out of the way, firing laser beams randomly at the fast-moving jackal.

The creature made a spectacular leap to grab Sharon's foot and bring her down. With her face pinned to the ground, the jackal moved in on her neck--

Then flew into the air, as Major Apathy yanked him off his comrade's back, super-plexing the beast to the ground. He then held the beast tightly in a figure four leg lock while Sharon blasted his head, melting his brain, until he moved no more.

"Nice moves, George," said Sharon.

"Can we go home now?" said George.

Brian spun the windmill blades on his finger. "Hey, guys! Look what I can do!"

Sidney rose to her feet. The heroes turned to her.

"I know I said I didn't need you," she said. "I guess I was wrong. Thank you."

* * * * *

A day later, the heroes delivered a very grateful Sidney to her very grateful father, who was even more grateful to learn the damaged windows and kitchen on the train and the windmill would only set him back a few hundred bucks.

"Thank you, Undesirables," said Andrew. "Thank you for saving my precious jewel."

"The jewel!" Brian yelled. "We forgot it! He ripped it out of the package, and we never found it."

"You don't understand," said Andrew. "My daughter is the jewel, and she is worth more than all I possess."

The reactor went on to great fanfare and applause. That evening, the Undesirables left town by plane, headed to Florida and their next assignment. Sadly, the windmill that had become Brian's favorite toy was left behind, confiscated by airport security, who did not find it at all amusing.