planet of the gods

planet of the gods

by John Cosper

GALACTIC FEDERATION OF SYSTEMS

STAR MISSION FINDINGS REPORT

STAR MISSION: 4XQ9979 - SOL 3 System exploration

SUBMITTED BY: Captain Ujehli Forg

STAR DATE: 110393

Our exploration of system SOL 3 began on stardate 110346, when the ship emerged from hyperspace. We awoke to a red alert, and the Starship Klaatu avoided a near collision with the rings of the seventh plant in the SOL 3 system. A cold, desolate rock which we named Cosjo (in honor of ship pilot Lt. Cosjo, whose quick reflexes saved us from annihilation), our scanning indicated the planet totally unsuited for life and interminable cold. We pressed on through the system in further search of life.

The sixth planet, a ringed orbital we named Mowke, also appeared too cold and hostile for life. However, it was while in orbit around Mowke that the first sign of intelligent life presented itself, a giant floating piece of space debris (artifact 101) which Dr. Gruen determined was launched many years ago from the third planet in the system. Among the many discoveries we found related to the debris was an audio recording (artifact 102) of sounds of the third planet. The crew became entranced with a recording called "Johnny B. Goode", the work of an alien being named Chuck Berry. Also among the recordings was a reading from a religious book called the Koran.

After making careful observation of the uninhabited 5^th and 4^th worlds (Kusne and Maubec) the Klaatu arrived at the third planet, which I took the liberty of naming after myself, Forg. Orbital scans indicated great structures and other signs of civilization, but no signs of life.

Landing on the surface, Dr. Gruen did an atmospheric study and determined that we Greenmen could walk about on the surface safely, as the air was rich with Nitrogen and Carbon Dioxide. Further study by Dr. Gruen and his investigating team determined the planet to have been devoid of life for more than a century. The scouts were sent out across the face of the planet to gather information about the planetary inhabitants.

The planet Forg was a very splintered community of organisms. The most intelligent beings on the planet, the ones responsible for the civilized structures, were divided and in perpetual state of war with each other over everything from politics to sports teams to religion.

Religion, we found, was a major aspect of life on this world, and seemed to be at the core of these creatures' inability to coexist. Dr. Gruen and I discovered a building containing many books on the history and culture of the Forgians. The aforementioned "Koran" (article 105) was only one of thousands of religious texts (see articles 103-111) contained within. Other titles include the Tao (artifact 103), the Talmud (artifact 104), Dianetics (artifact 106), the Book of Mormon (artifact 107), and The Wizard of Oz (artifact 108).

Through pooling our resources and analyzing all the evidence, the crew and myself determined the following to be the most active religions and Gods:

THE LITTLE ROUND MAN

The round man appeared everywhere on the planet, in statue (artifact 112) and picture (article 113) form. He was seer or prophet who taught that all of creation on this planet was in fact divine. His followers were many, but splintered. It seems that much disparity arose as to how one achieved "enlightenment."

It is unclear how the enlightenment could provide any real liberation, as we determined that the little round man himself was dead and buried beneath the planetary crust.

THE TITANS

This belief appeared throughout the world and all its time frames. In ancient times, these gods and goddesses were celebrated in epic poems, such as The Odyssey (artifact 114) and in theater and dramatic presentations. The gods were ruled over by Zeus, the king and father of many of the other gods. Other deities included Apollo, god of the sun; Hades, god of death; Venus, goddess of love. Each god and goddess had their own unique origins, responsibilities, and magical powers. (For more details see Bullfinch's Mythology, article 110.)

In later times, the gods and goddesses took on new forms, and their stories were told by a traveling, interactive sporting/ theater group called the World Wrestling Federation. The names of the gods and goddesses had changed, but they still had distinct stories, dominions, and of course, magical "finishing moves". Zeus became known as Vince McMahon. As best as we can determine, the son god Apollo became Hulk Hogan (whose yellow attire resembled the sun); Hades became known as The Undertaker; and Venus took on the name Chyna. We discovered some films of these great deities in action (artifacts 115-132, inclusive). The Wrestlemania II film (article 130) was particularly entertaining, to say the least.

As with the worship of the Little Round Man, we were unable to determine just how these Forgians were enlightened or redeemed by these deities. Nevertheless, the worship of these Titans was extremely popular.

ELVIS

We found a surprisingly large amount of information on this man/ god known as the king of rock and roll. Dr. Gruen surmised that Rock and Roll must have been a vast kingdom, but has yet to locate it on any maps. Elvis was a musical god. Lt. Remjak brought in a number of his recordings (articles 133 through 154, inclusive), and Lt. Argon discovered a painting of Elvis on a canvas of velvet (article 155).

We found his music to contain many strange, puzzling verses. The song "Hound Dog" (artifact 138) seemed to be the god's way of bemoaning the complaining nature of his followers, while "Love Me Tender" (artifact 142) is a heartfelt plea for love. Why were these followers drawn to a god who insulted them in one moment, then begged their affection in the next? And how could a deity dead and buried (despite the many theories that he never died as expressed on artifact 156, The National Enquirer) could offer any hope to the Forgians, is also not known.

TREKKIES

These people were really messed up. Rather than worship actual deities, they worshipped a fabled group of space explorers, some human, some extra-terrestrial. (Captain's note: the depictions of aliens in this cult was highly laughable, save for one episode/ adventure which involved the Tribbles. How can this be? Perhaps we were not the first visitors to their planet?) The Trekkies had many books (artifacts 157-164, inclusive) and films (artifacts 165-203, inclusive) detailing the exploits of their heroes. They also had replica clothing (articles 204-210, inclusive) which allowed them to be one with their characters; pictures (articles 211-212) which they could hang in memory, and idols (artifacts 213-249) cast of their heroes and their spacecraft. Notable deities: Captain Kirk (artifact 213), Spock (artifact 215), Captain Jean-Luc Picard (artifact 216), and Seven of Nine (artifacts 222-248, inclusive).

These "Star Trekkers" were depicted as routinely saving entire civilizations and keeping peace in the universe. However, they too were mortal and could offer no lasting hope.

HOOSIERS

A most peculiar cult, once led by an elderly man called The General, or Bob Knight (see biography of the General, artifact 250). Bob was the god of a sport called basketball, which involved placing a round orb through a metal cylinder lined with a net. Bob took on disciples in groups of twelve to learn the art of playing this sport. His many followers and devotees were called Hoosiers. Again, like the other religions, no long term benefits could be found for following this religion.

THE BELIEVERS OF THE SECOND COMING OF DAVID CASSIDY

The less said about this group, the better. Apparently, this cult rose out of the ashes of the first nuclear holocaust. More details can be found in the religious text Keith Partridge Will Return (artifact 251).

Amidst all these and many more religions, Lt. Kooz brought us a truly engrossing find, a religious document called the Holy Bible (artifact 252). At first, Dr. Gruen was prepared to dismiss it as just another work of the dead civilization's imagination, but then Kooz began to read from the ancient text:

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep…And God said, 'Let there be light.'" [Genesis 1]

Dr. Gruen recognized a correlation to our own holy scriptures in the book of Creation, "In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Zort." Further study and examination of the book led him to believe the God of the Holy Bible was in fact the same God we, the Greenmen, worship. We were perplexed to find that the Forgians had knowledge of the true God in their hands, the God who created them and exists outside the realm of time and space, yet they failed to place their hope in him. Perhaps that is why Forg is a desolate wasteland now, no longer populated, but a dead symbol of idolatry and the futility of setting up our own gods.

The following text from the Holy Bible seems to agree with this conclusion:

“You know that not one of the promises the LORD your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled. But just as every good promise has come true, if you violate the covenant of the LORD your God and serve other gods, the LORD's anger will burn against you. He will bring on you all the evil he has threatened, until he has destroyed you.” [Joshua 23:14-16]

We believed it to truly be a shame that the Forgians did not survive. I for one believed we could have learned a great deal from them. Their world was once populated by so many splendid creatures and plants, all of which are now gone. While their disappearance is sad, it should give fair warning to all of us Greenmen who fear the God that made us: do not stray from worshipping the one true God, lest we too should be destroyed.

Our studies thus concluded, the Klaatu returned to hyper space on stardate 110380, arriving home on stardate 110392.

Captain Ujehli

The Starship Klaatu